Elliot Rodger 's difficulties with women were so devastating to him that he vowed to kill anyone he could n't win over .

`` My orchestration of the Day of Retribution is my attempt to do everything , in my power , to destroy everything I can not have , '' Rodger wrote in a 137-page manifesto obtained by CNN affiliate KEYT .

`` All of those beautiful girls I 've desired so much in my life , but can never have because they despise and loathe me , I will destroy . ''

He also said he despised men who had luck with women and said he would eliminate them , too .

`` I will kill them all and make them suffer , just as they have made me suffer , '' he added . `` It is only fair . ''

On Friday , that `` day of retribution '' came . Authorities say Rodger , 22 , fatally stabbed three men in his home before killing two women outside a sorority house and then shooting a man at a deli in Isla Vista , California .

By the end of his rampage , six victims were dead . Rodger died of an apparent self-inflicted gunshot wound . And perhaps the only clues to the reasons are in the gunman 's haunting dissertation of his life .

A life-changing divorce

For most of his early childhood , Rodger was a happy boy . But he said his first major traumatic event came when he learned at 7 that his parents were divorcing .

He described his parents ' divorce as a devastating , `` life-changing event , '' but said he gained more respect for his father after he quickly acquired a girlfriend .

`` Males who can easily find female mates garner more respect from their fellow men , even children , '' Rodger wrote . `` How ironic is it that my father , one of those men who could easily find a girlfriend , has a son who would struggle all his life to find a girlfriend . ''

Bitterness after puberty

But the impetus for most of Rodger 's angst stemmed from his unfulfilled desires for women .

`` As children we all play together as equals in a fair environment . Only after the advent of puberty does the true brutality of human nature show its face , '' he wrote .

`` Life will become a bitter and unfair struggle for self-worth , all because girls will choose some boys over others . The boys who girls find attractive will live pleasure-filled lives while they dominate the boys who girls deem unworthy . ''

He described himself as a very jealous person , `` and at the age of nine my jealous nature sprung to the surface . ''

Rodger wrote about the website PuaHate.com as a `` forum full of men who are starved of sex , just like me .

`` Many of them have their own theories of what women are attracted to , and many of them share my hatred of women , though unlike me they would be too cowardly to act on it . Reading the posts on that website only confirmed many of the theories I had about how wicked and degenerate women really are . ''

The site was down Sunday .

`` I certainly would not want to blame a specific website for the violence and a tragedy that was carried out by one specific individual , '' Josh Glasstetter , a researcher at the Southern Poverty Law Center , told CNN . `` But his online activities on forums like PuaHate gave his thoughts and beliefs more of a definition , and direction . ''

Traumatized by porn

When Rodger was 11 , a friend he met through a chat room sent him photos of `` beautiful naked girls , '' he wrote .

`` When I looked at the pictures , I was shocked beyond words . I had never seen what beautiful girls looked like naked , and the sight filled me with strong and overwhelming emotions , '' Rodger said in his autobiography .

`` I was traumatized . My childhood was fading away . Ominous fear swept over me . ... Indeed , a whole new world had opened up before me , and I had no idea how to prevail in it . I still wanted to live as a child . ''

The trauma got worse two years later , Rodger said , when he was at an Internet cafe and saw an older teen watching porn .

`` The sight was shocking , traumatizing , and arousing . All of these feelings mixed together took a great toll on me , '' he wrote . `` I walked home and cried by myself for a bit . I felt too guilty about what I saw to talk to my parents about it . ''

`` Not getting any sex is what will shape the very foundation of my miserable youth , '' he said .

Taunting and bullying

Rodger said he endured a spate of bullying in the eighth and ninth grades , causing him to be `` more shy and timid than I ever was in my life . ''

`` I felt very small , weak , and above all , worthless , '' he wrote . `` I cried by myself at school every day . ''

He said one of his worst days came at the end of ninth grade , when a classmate was bragging about having sex with his girlfriend .

`` I defiantly told him that I did n't believe him , so he played a voice recording of what sounded like him and his girlfriend having sex , '' Rodger wrote . `` I could hear a girl saying his name over and over again while she panted franticly . He grinned at me smugly . I felt so inferior to him , and I hated him . ''

That sense of inferiority carried over into his college days at Santa Barbara City College .

`` Every day that I spent at my college , the more inferior and invisible I felt , '' he wrote . `` I felt like such an inferior mouse whenever I saw guys walking with beautiful girls . ''

` Sophisticated , polite gentleman '

Some of Rodger 's social media posts were more positive than the rants in his autobiography .

He portrayed himself as an affluent young man who drove a black BMW Series 3 coupe and traveled the world .

`` I consider myself a sophisticated , polite gentleman , unlike most boys my age , '' according to a statement posted on `` Elliot Rodger 's Official Blog . ''

CNN can not confirm the authenticity of the social media posts .

According to the blog , Rodger was born in the United Kingdom and moved to the United States at age 5 .

He was raised in the shadow of Hollywood , in the affluent Los Angeles suburb of Woodland Hills , by his father -- a commercial photographer and sometimes director -- and his stepmother , an actress who appeared with Matt Damon in `` Green Zone . ''

Pictures posted on Rodger 's Facebook page show him with his father , Peter , on the red carpet at the premiere of the 2012 film `` The Hunger Games . ''

Peter Rodger briefly worked as a second unit assistant director on the film , according to a spokeswoman with Lionsgate Entertainment , the company behind the `` Hunger Games '' movie franchise .

But it 's also in the blog where Rodger railed against life in Isla Vista .

`` I have tried very hard to fit in with the social scene there , but I have ultimately been unable to do so , '' the blog states . `` There are too many obnoxious people who have ruined my whole experience at that place . ''

` Day of retribution '

The day before before the rampage , a video posted on YouTube featured Rodger ranting for nearly seven minutes against women who he said rejected him and popular kids who ignored him .

`` For the past eight years of my life , ever since I hit puberty , I 've been forced to endure an existence of loneliness , rejection and unfulfilled desires all because girls have never been attracted to me , '' he said .

`` Tomorrow is the day of retribution . The day in which I will have my revenge against humanity , against all of you . ''

Rampage killings : Fast Facts

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`` All of those beautiful girls I 've desired ... I will destroy , '' Elliot Rodger wrote

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In his 137-page autobiography , Rodger said he was traumatized by pornography

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He also said he was bullied and taunted

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Authorities say Rodger killed six people before apparently shooting himself in the head